What this desk does, and does not, do
Headlines and figures are quoted verbatim from the linked reports; we never paraphrase a public figure and never carry a quote that is not in those reports. Every position is opened by you from your own wallet at the venue’s minimum order size, and closed by our own timed Worker rather than by the exchange — no venue closes a position on a clock. The site never takes custody. Each receipt carries a signature over the source URL, open tx, close tx and PnL that can be checked on the reader page.
What this satirises
This product satirises one published report — GAO-26-108477, $9.5bn spent on paid administrative leave in 2025, carried by national outlets on 2026-09-16 — and its own settled PnL. Nothing else. It never invents quotes, never attributes anything to a public figure, never targets a private individual, and is not, and does not resemble, official government or election information.
Not affiliated
Not a government service and not affiliated with any agency or campaign. Figures are quoted from the linked reports; every PnL is from our own on-chain positions. Gas in USDC on Arc.